I hate the moments when I sit around and think about my past. Because, to be perfectly honest, I didn’t enjoy it. Instead I should be thinking about my future, and the ways I could possibly make it better than the present.
So despite the fact that my life is a joke and everyone is laughing, and I keep saying it is horrible. I actually truly 100% love my life. I have great friends, an amazing family, and an escape whenever I need it. Yea right now I might be down on myself, but really. Everything is ok. There are things I wish I could change, and things I wish I could forget, but they have made me who I am. And for the first time in my life, I am proud of who I am, and I love the woman I have become. Yea people may not like me, but it doesn’t matter what they think, because the only person that truly needs to like me…is me. Yea I get told that isn’t true, and the I am getting a bad reputation. But to be honest, I don’t care what those other people thing, because they don’t know me. So they don’t even deserve to have an opinion on me. So yea, they can call me a whore, or a tease, I really don’t give a shit. I don’t care what some one who has never met me has to say about me. THEY DON’T MATTER. Its kinda annoying how people care what other people say about me, because I don’t. And to me that is all that matters, the only opinion that really TRULY matters is my own. And yea, I have those moments when I look out the window, and all I can hear is my own voice telling me “You’re the worst person here.” ”You don’t deserve them.” ”Why are you so immature.” ”Why can’t you actually look like an adult like they do?” ”Why can’t you just get it right?” ”Why are you so useless?” “Why the fuck do you suck at everything?” The things the evil little voice say go on and on. But this isn’t about how I am insecure, and how I just want to hide sometimes. This is about how I am proud. And I am confident. I want everyone to feel like I do all the time. These annoying smiles I have on my face, and those stupid compliments I throw at everyone. I mean them! Everyone deserves to feel beautiful, and they do not deserve to be made fun of for who they are, or what they look like. I hate when people do that! How would you feel if someone was saying those things about you? It would hurt right? So what makes you think it is ok to say it about them? What, just because it isn’t you they don’t have feelings, or they don’t care? Everyone has their insecurities, and to make fun of them is just mean. People complain about they aren’t beautiful to guys…Why does that matter? The only person that needs to think you are beautiful is you! After that, let the chips fall where they may, because when you feel beautiful, you look beautiful, and that is what is attractive to others. Not your fake this, or your overly revealing that. What is attractive is your sense of self worth. And that fact that you don’t need their approval. Feel beautiful for who you are. Not for what someone wants you to be.
Love yourself, and then love someone else. Because how can you expect someone to love you, if even you don’t love you.
I know that sounds bad, and mean, but its true. You can’t love someone else, if you don’t love yourself first.
So please, look in the mirror, and don’t think about the thin girl you know, or the hot actress they put on the cover or a magazine. Just look, and see yourself for what you truly are. A beautiful person.